so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
