we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
