I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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