Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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