plz talk dirty to me
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
