So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
