is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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