"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
