Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
