Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
