drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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