Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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