Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
