in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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