Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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