I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
