'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
