I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
