we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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