kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sarcasm needs its own font
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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