at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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