we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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