he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
