i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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