Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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