Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
