My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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