Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
