we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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