Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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