thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
