i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
