So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
