I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
