Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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