Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
