Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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