you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
