I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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