you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
