Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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