I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
