I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
