i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
