STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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