Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
