I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We got so high we made milksteak
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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