Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
