he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
