I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Im part way to drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
