she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
