Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
